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Tuesday, October 4th 2005

9:15 PM

Is there anyone up there?

  • Mood: cold
  • Movie of the moment: Law & Order - SUV
  • Quote: Diet Coke

Ahhh...It is a wonderful, lazy Saturday…or so it was.  I actually started writing this on Saturday, but I got interrupted.  Looking back on my few posts, I realize that I have not mentioned religion...partly because I do not wish to be stoned to death.  So, why am I mentioning it now?  Well, there are some things I want to get off my chest...and I was reminded of it by a random quiz I took.  So, here goes...

My Family - most of my family have become religious following the death of my Grandmother last year.  While they held religious beliefs before her death, they didn't associate with the church (excluding weddings and funerals).  While I think this is perfectly acceptable - my parents, my Mother in particular, feel that they have let my brother and me down.  She didn't raise us in the church because she went to church regularly and used to look at it as a chore.  So, she exposed us to some ideas and tried to raise us with good morals, without us growing to hate church. 

Fast forward to 2005 – I don’t go to church, although I have tried. I attempted to “find God” – both with Michelle and my family.  At the beginning of this year I thought that I would go to church with Michelle – and that maybe it would help me deal with my Grandmothers death.  Both my Grandmother and my Aunt Pat have died recently – and I truly want to believe that they are in a better place, so to encourage this belief I tried going to church.  I really thank Michelle for going with me – because I don’t know if I could have done it alone.  So, what became of church?  Well, I immediately felt guilty…here I was sitting in church with people that have ‘found God’…all I could think about was how I didn’t belong.  These people believe that there is a God, a heaven, and a hell – they have faith in God and everything in the Bible.  I couldn’t keep going there because I don’t have faith…I don’t believe that God definitely exists. While I would love to have this faith, I am too scientific – I need to have proof.  So here I sit and ponder – what happens after death?  Are we judged and sent to a heaven or hell?  Are we reborn?  Do our souls simply wander the Earth?  Or do we cease to exist?  I don’t know…and the only way to find out is through death – which is hopefully many years from now.

I am not sure how much sense this all makes…I just typed as I thought.  I am just glad to get this off my chest.

3 Comment(s).

Posted by Bruce Miller:

Good morning Terri,

I wanted to thank you for your comment on my journal. I'm sorry to hear about the deaths of your Aunt Pat and your Grandmother. Being what I suspect you would regard as pretty religious, I would encourage you to keep going to church. Most people feel out of place when they first start to go, but please believe me when I say that you do belong. Perhaps not to that church or congregation, but God does love you as one of His children. As to the afterlife, I'm relying on mercy myself. He's all about that, so try not to worry. Take care and thanks for the post. It was very helpful at what has become a fairly dark time in my life.

Bruce
Monday, October 17th 2005 @ 7:22 AM

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